Beautiful to be different!

The Ghost of her Smile

The Ghost of her Smile

Her name was Susan Moore, but everyone called her “the weird girl of class D.” Class 12 D was the only class in Liberty High School that had the section D. Liberty high school was one of the most recommended and the most prestigious school in the country and  Mrs. Pritchard; the principal was a perfectionist and was an addict of order. The 20 acre of school was always spotless and in perfect order and Mrs. Pritchard would accept only a certain number of students. She would look for students who were not only smart but who could also afford to attend the school.  It was that year that the school administrator had a miscalculation of the admission of the new students. More students than the usual expected number was admitted to the school, so to Mrs. Pritchard utter disappointment one of the empty storage room had to be changed into a new classroom for the incoming new third years. Class D stuck out like a sore thumb in the school especially when the assembly conducted every Wednesday. While students of first and second year were lined up in a neat three lines, the third years had four lines and Class D was placed on the far end of the hall.

Class D didn’t belong to the school, it was not meant to be there and so was Susan Moore. Susan was different from her fellow mates. The students would come in the best tailored uniform while Susan wore an old and faded one.  More or less all the students knew each other’s family status based on Finance, but Susan never talked to anyone. While the other students gossiped and bragged about the new gadgets, jewelries and the exotic places that they have been too, Susan smiled. She always smiled as if she knew a hidden secret she wasn’t allowed to tell. No one knew her family and presumed that she was neither brainy nor rich and so, she was a social outcast.

 The girls would snide on her about how she was humiliating the school and everywhere that she went she would hear cruel comments on her hair, her dress and her smile. They would call her awful names but she would not say anything and would keep on smiling every day.

The other students of Class D hated Susan as they blamed her for their class being a reject. Not only did they have problem about their class but having a strange girl with them made it worse.

One day, Katy Donne, daughter of one of the famous surgeon, who was also a student of class D came up with a solution to ease the class burden. She suggested driving Susan away from the school by giving her a hard time, most of the student agreed to this sinister plan as most of them were snobs and status was what they treasured. They were already angry having to attend a class that was created out of inconvenience, but having humiliated by having a ‘nobody’ in their class was crossing the line for them.

The next day at school when Susan opened her locker, she found all her books dripping with blue paint. She looked around her and found no one there who looked suspicious or anyone who looked sympathetic; everyone ignored her and went on like she was invisible. Six of her class mates hid behind the locker at the end of the row, watching as their plans unfolded. They snickered at Susan’s horrified face as she tried to wipe off the paint off her books. After several unsuccessful tries she dumped her books in the garbage bin.

Susan was scolded the whole day by the teachers for not bringing her books and she only said “sorry sir” or “sorry Mam” over and over again in her timid voice. That day Susan lost a little of her smile but she did not give up coming to the school and neither did her classmates on torturing her.

Next as Susan was passing along the hall, the boys quickly poured a bucket full of water on her from the upper balcony and ran away laughing. Tears mixed with water ran down her cheeks. As she couldn’t go to the class wet, she stayed outside the whole day waiting for the sun to dry off her clothes. She got another scolding for tardiness from the teachers. Day by day the tricks grew worse, Susan lost a little of her smile bit by bit but she would come to the class every day no matter what.

Katy Donne and her gangs finally gave up and by that time Susan also gave up her smiles. When there was only two weeks for the annual exam, Susan was not sitting at her usual desk or the day after. Susan continued to miss classes and everyone assumed that she had quit school because of the jokes played on her. They forgot about Susan as all the student got ready for their annual exam.

It was after the exam that the Principal called onto the students and teachers for a special assembly. There was confusion in the hall as everybody tried to guess what the assembly was for until they saw Thomas Moore. Thomas Moore was the business tycoon running the T & S Company, the most successful business company in the country.

“He must be here to give us a special talk…….”

“It’s the first time I have seen him in person……..”

Whisper and talks filled the hall.

Mrs. Prichard got up the podium and addressed the mass; she looked critically through her half moon spectacle.

“Good morning students, first I would like to congratulate you all for successfully finishing your exam without any mishaps. Now everyone must be wondering why we are gathered here today. Some of you must be aware that a student, Susan Moore have not been attending Liberty and I regret to inform you that Miss Susan Moore passed away due to heart failure on the night of November 10th. It is a great tragedy to have hit this School and her father, Mr. Thomas is here on behalf of his daughter to share with you all what she might not have said.”

Mrs. Pritchard went aside; there was a whispered discussion as everyone tried to remember who Susan Moore was. As ‘ the weird girl of class D’ was mentioned everyone was swept away by mixed emotion, they were surprised that she was the daughter of a very successful and important person and they were also embarrassed remembering how they had treated her. They were sure that Mr. Moore was going to scold them for treating Susan badly but they couldn’t make out his expression as he was wearing a pair of Ray Ban sun glasses.

The hall grew silent as Mr. Moore approached the podium; he took off his glasses and looked up at the audience. What the crowd witnessed was the ghost of Susan’s smile.

“Dear student, as your principal had said I am here on behalf of my daughter who had recently passed away and she must have left things unsaid and I would like to deliver them...... Thank you very much…”

He paused for a moment to steady himself, confusion reflected on every face of the audience.

“Susan…Susan loved her school. She would come back every day from her school smiling and would tell me everything about her day. She was happy that she got a chance to attend the school that her late mother had once attended …… “he laughed slowly, ” she even insisted on wearing her mother’s old uniform. But she might have already told some of you that, she used to say that she had so many friends. I thank you for bringing her so much happiness. She might not have said anything about her disease; she doesn’t like it when others worry about her. She had a weak heart since she was young and the doctor advised her to stay home but it was her wish to attend Liberty. I remember her first day at school and she was excited but also nervous and she kept on asking “what should I do Dad? What should I do?” and I remember telling her to just be herself and smile. She left school with a beautiful smile on her face, I was so proud of her. Thank you for keeping that smile on her face.”

Part of a Story.

You know how the usual story starts, girl meets boy, girl falls for the arrogant but handsome guy. Boy ignore girl, girl tries to make him fall in love. Finally during a glory event boy realize he loves girl. The End, the credits roll in with a happy song. Well twenty one years of existence and I have at least half of my love story left. I have found ‘the boy’, he is, well what you call a perfect guy. We have been classmates for most of my primary school days and also in High school. All those falling in love stuff happened in 10^th grade and it was the exact time when he had to change school because he was awarded a scholarship for an international school in another country. Yup I know ironic right, he was right there my whole life and when I wanted to get close he moved to another country. Mmm….its almost like my love is driving him away like a nuclear bomb. Getting back to the story, I was definitely not one of those girls who had the courage to profess their love but then I was satisfied with loving him from a distance. Sounds corny but those where the times when I was listening to Taylor swift songs and collecting those emotional proverbs. There were moments where my heart would be feel like it was squished by Dwayne Johnson’s hand and unfortunately there were also times when my heart dropped in a bottomless pit. He eventually realized he loved me and rejected the scholarship. You are crazy for believing that. Of course he left stupid. And I went to college and the only way to keep in touch was to write long scented letter, no, obviously it was facebook. When I logged on to the computer, I tried to find him but there were at least hundred of guys with the same name. So, I did what any girl would do in my situation. I sent all of them friend request, well, I think I left out some of the weidos who had some really strange profile picture.  Anyway after a series of time and online questioning, the result was depressing. None of the guys was my Shakti (Don’t ask, just never ask your best friend who has excess of humor for suggestion for a secret code for the boy you love). Almost a year and half has passed since I haven’t spoken to him, there was one more person in my friends list who had Shakti’s name.

From a simple hi and hello, we became friends. He studied outside after attending in-country high school. Even if he would not tell me the name of his schools or his college, he was charming and funny. He seems like he had changed a little more since High school, he had grown less arrogant and more kind. I asked for his photo but he said that he hated taking his pictures. His profile picture was really puzzling because it was only whiteness, there was nothing either a picture or a pattern but it was simply white. I asked him about it in one of our chat and he said that he hate the color white. ‘But why make the thing you hate your profile picture?’ I typed

‘Because I want to get used to it. I am hoping that the color will grow on me and I will like it eventually.’ I didn’t get his theory and he knew that I wouldn’t so he changed the subject; the places where we had been.

Even though I had been in Thimphu my whole life, he described many other places I had never seen or heard. It was almost like he was describing places in another country, he described his favorite restaurants where the best coffee was available, his favorite places for usual walks and the best place where he went to eat; he recommended the roasted potatoes. Yum, since I was going to graduate that summer and he was coming to the country, I asked him to take me to those places and he agreed. I was too excited that I didn’t notice that we have been out of touch for quite some time. But when our time to meet tic tocked its way closer, I visited facebook more often, thinking that we were unable to meet due to wrong timing but I would meet only the fake Shaktis and never the Shakti I wanted to talk.

Remember in movies when the protagonists break up or get separated, one of the grieving protagonists sees happy couples everywhere that he/she goes, well the same thing happened except that it was grieving couples.  My friends were having trouble with their respective other, some because of the changing time and their insecurities about how their relationship will cope up after they graduate, some due to his ego and some just because they liked to fight. So between consoling my friends and thinking about me and Shakti, I became discouraged and ideas of betrayals and lies crossed my mind.

After things had settled down a bit and the crying was replaced by exam tension, one of my other friend informed me that Shakti was already in Thimphu and that she would get his contact. I thanked her and promised her that I would talk about her more in front of my older brother whom she had a crush on.

The exam just whizzed by, as my friends would say ‘exam just needs to start then it will end in no time.’ After the exam I wasn’t able to look at any word and the word ‘exam’ was taboo in our circle and everyone was extra polite to their teachers.

The students dispersed to their own separate way home and everyone was back to crying again; me included. We promised to meet at least once in three days and I travelled all the way to Thimphu where my parents hugged me and they acted like I had come home alive from a raging war. But when you think about it college is a war; the students are challenged daily by teachers, studies and anything that people get easily addicted to. So after the celebration ceremony of me surviving all of that, we drank pig’s blood; of course not, do you think this is some remote cannibal part of Africa!?             

I got Shakti’s number and told him to meet me tomorrow at one of his Café that he talked about. Surprisingly he had trouble remembering me or the Café, I was hurt but thought maybe he had Alzheimer.

The next day as I waited for him at the Café, drinking the recommended hot chocolate, I saw him walk towards me. I looked at him properly as I haven’t seen him for three years and he didn’t look a day old, instead I think he looks younger if that was possible. I gave an awkward smile and as he sat down across me, we started asking the usual questions, you know the ones that we say to a person we haven’t seen for a while; ‘how have you been?’ ‘it has been dash years since I met you’ ‘Did you cut your hair? It looks good.’ But the thing was I was the only one asking that question, it was almost like I was interviewing a superstar ‘So what does it feel like having thousands of fans all over the world?’ ‘Well I never dreamt that I would be a singer/actor/one or the other broadcasted show winner. I started dancing/singing/acting when I was at the age of (10 or below) and I knew that was what I wanted to do and I blah blah blah and my blah blah blah.’ Round of applause.

It felt exactly like that and after his long monologue answer, I asked why he hadn’t been online for a while. “How can I be online when I don’t even have an account? Its just that it’s a bother to talk to people who always claim they love me or have a crush on me……”

I could only see his lips moving, my brain died after he told me that he didn’t have an account.

Then who was the one I was talking to for almost a year? Who was he? So many question ran through my head and finally I asked myself who am I? He was still talking, not even noticing that I had entered a state of unconsciousness. Was this the same person I had fallen in love with? I began doubting my own identity. Am I a person who still loves this guy?

“Kinley?!” oh he remembered he had company.

“Yes?”

“I was saying that since I am not dating anyone at the moment maybe you could..”

I silenced him with my finger on his mouth as I had heard enough of him. “I am sorry Singye but..”

A waiter who was serving the next table turned and looked around and said, “Is Singye back?”

“No, I don’t think so. He hasn’t been coming here for a while. I hope he is okay.” The guy behind the counter replied.

I went over to the guy and asked if he knew where Singye is staying or if he had any contact with him.

“Sure, by the way are you Kinley?”

“Yes, how did you know?”  

He chuckled, “He always talked about you. Singye knows more about you than you know about yourself. Wait here.” He went to the kitchen and emerged after sometime.

He gave me the number and his home address written on a napkin and a bag with something hot packed in it. “He said you love French fries and take some dumplings for him too. It’s in the house.” He smiled and I thanked him.

I apologized again to Singye and left the Café. I ran about 10 km and stood in front of the gate of his house panting and gasping for air. What am I doing? I am going to the house of a person I have never seen and who I had mistakenly thought was another guy. Am I really going through this? But if I don’t do this I will never know. I rang the bell with trembling hands and tried to calm my heart. I wasn’t this nervous even when I participated in theater acting but then I was only acting as a tree or rather standing stagnant as a tree. The door opened slowly like a suspense movie and a middle-aged women came in view.

“May I help you?” She asked.

“Yes, umm…I am looking for Singye. Ummm…I am his friend.” Stop saying ummm you idiot...

Immediately she smiled brightly. “Oh, you are lucky. He is in the house today. Well come in, come in.” I slowly walked into the house. What did she mean by he was home today, was he a convicted murderer who was home for the first time? No, no there is no internet connection in jails. I was shaking my head.

I entered the living room and his mother called him saying that ‘one of his friends’ had come to visit him.

“Do you want some coffee or tea? You look really exhausted.” I declined her offer.

“I will be in the kitchen if you need me.”

As she left I could physically hear my heart beating but it was the sound of Singye descending the stairs. It was slow motion moment and as I turned around I saw Singye and I nearly fell down.

“Jigme Singye?!” he used to be my primary school enemy, he was the one who would tug on my pony tail and steal my lunch and break all my crayons. That kid was the one who taught me what love really was, it was him.

“Kinley Dem? Why are you here?”

“You are the one I have been talking to all this time in Facebook?”

“Yes, I thought you knew it was me. That is why you talked to me first isn’t it?”

I was silent. This time I really passed out.

When I woke up I felt something cold on my forehead and someone talking really loud.

I opened my eyes and saw Singye looking at me like they had discovered a new alien species.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

I groaned my reply.

“My mom went to get some medicine.”

I slowly got up, after sometime my headache diminished.

“I am sorry Singye but I have to tell you something important.”

Soon the shock I got knowing who he was slowly lessened and as I looked at him I realized that I love him despite being a devil’s spawn when he was little and he really did save me from committing a grave mistake with Shakti. I was more afraid that by telling the truth I would lose him but I didn’t want to lie to him.

He looked at me.

“First I want to tell you that I have developed feelings for you that people use in poems, movies and sometimes in comedy too but I don’t really get what’s comic about it at all. I mean where do you find…”

“Kinley, you are babbling and you are playing with your hands which mean you are nervous.”

“I told you that too? My God.”

“What is it that you really want to tell.”

“I love you.” I looked away and tried to focus on anything but his face.

“I love you too. You have no idea how much I wanted to say that to you. I had a crush on you since primary school.”

“Primary school? But I thought you hated me, you always tried to kill me remember?”

“I didn’t try to kill you, I was trying to get your attention.”

I laughed thinking that all this time I thought he hated me.

“No don’t try to distract me. The thing is I thought that you were Singye when I started talking with you. You remember him right?” he nodded although he was confused. “well I kinda loved him during High school and I thought that you were him and then one thing led to another and you weren’t coming online and I met him today…”

“You mean you were never interested in me in the first place.”

I was treading in a dangerous area.

“That means I was the stupid one who thought that he finally had a chance with the girl he had loved his whole life who had only talked to him because she thought I was another guy.”

Oh no, this is not going well. He got up angrily and was leaving but I held on to his warm hand.

“Please listen to me. Yes everything you said was right but today he asked me to become his girlfriend but…”

“Now are you asking me to get out of the way, so that you could start your perfect love story. Well I will be happy to do as you please because the world revolves around you.”

He left the room and I tried to go after him but he ran out of the door. I stared at the door, not knowing what to do.

“What happened?” His mother looked worriedly at me.

“Nothing, we just had little bit of misunderstanding.”

“Don’t you worry dear, it’s expected, he has been cranky since he had his operation.”

When will this series of shock ever end, this time I was not even surprised but I was worried.

 “Why did he have an operation?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, he told me everything but that.”

“Well honey you may have to sit down.”

I sat down on the sofa with Singye’s mother.

“After Singye’s one year in college, our family had a car accident. While I got away with few bruises and scratches, Singye and his Dad were seriously injured. Singye’s head needed examination and his father had a deep cut on his thigh. After numerous stitches, all his father needed was some intense physiological therapy but when the doctors examined Singye, they found out that there was a small tumor growing on his brain. They said that it was the right time to operate and they also said that Singye was lucky since the tumor was discovered before it reached a critical state. The doctor recommended a hospital in another country and we left immediately after Singye’s father got well. Although Singye knew about his disease he never showed his fears or his sadness. He helped his father get better; he always accompanied his father during his walks. When we got to the hospital, we settled down a bit there as the doctor said that Singye needed to be examined carefully so that they can find the best way to operate, so that there would be no effect on his brain but since these test and examination took time he went through chemotherapy. His hair began to fall off but the doctor reassured that it would grow back after the operation. He had to spent all his time in the hospital but the only thing he complained was that all the things in the hospital was white.” She smiled through her tears. I remembered Singye’s profile picture and I understood only then. “After extensive tests, we finally had the operation a month before and the doctor said that he is free from the tumor. I thank God for that miracle. Since he had to spend all his time in the hospital where he knew on one he was a bit lonely and had become a bit cranky. So be patience with him okay?” she wiped her tears.

“Of course.” I reassured her. After talking a bit more, I left the house promising that I would come back tomorrow.

I knew where Singye was and as I slowly reached the view point, it was already dark and Thimphu shined like the neck of a wealthy woman.

“Singye, I really need to talk to you. Will you please listen?”

“What is there left to tell me?” brr.., his tone was really cold.

But I punched him on his arm.

“Hey I just got out of the hosp..”

Then I hugged him. “I am so glad you are okay, I don’t know what would have happened if you were not here, if I hadn’t talked to you, if I hadn’t got that chance to know you. I am so sorry about what happened with the other Singye but I rejected him. You made me realize that I never truly loved him.”  His jacket was a little bit soaked with my tears. He gently pulled my face up and wiped away my tears.

“Even if you reject me I will never leave you and I know all the places you go to.” I said with a stubborn voice.

He laughed then and all the tension eased away.

With the twinkling lights of Thimphu and the stars, he kissed me. My first kiss and later he said that it was his first too.

In my twenty one years of existence, my love story was just beginning. Be sure to check Singye’s profie picture, if you have trouble finding it, just look for a picture with a happy couple.   ^.^